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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Oklahoma City Still Waiting For NBA Team To Arrive

OKLAHOMA CITY—More than six months after the approval of the Seattle SuperSonics' relocation to Oklahoma City, the metropolitan region's 1.3 million residents continue to eagerly await the arrival of the Thunder, their promised NBA team.

"We realize basketball season started back in October, but we're not worried. We have no problem waiting a little longer for our first real professional basketball team to arrive," Mayor Mick Cornett said during an interview. "I called Commissioner Stern a few months ago, but I haven't heard anything back yet. I assume the Thunder will be here any day now." The mayor also noted that there is a team in town, or more precisely a basketball-themed comedy group, performing shows a few nights a week at the Ford Center, though their gimmick of the home team always losing becomes predictable after a while.

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