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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Oklahoma City Still Waiting For NBA Team To Arrive

OKLAHOMA CITY—More than six months after the approval of the Seattle SuperSonics' relocation to Oklahoma City, the metropolitan region's 1.3 million residents continue to eagerly await the arrival of the Thunder, their promised NBA team.

"We realize basketball season started back in October, but we're not worried. We have no problem waiting a little longer for our first real professional basketball team to arrive," Mayor Mick Cornett said during an interview. "I called Commissioner Stern a few months ago, but I haven't heard anything back yet. I assume the Thunder will be here any day now." The mayor also noted that there is a team in town, or more precisely a basketball-themed comedy group, performing shows a few nights a week at the Ford Center, though their gimmick of the home team always losing becomes predictable after a while.

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