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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Old-Fashioned No-Water Practice Gets High School Diving Coach Fired

GRANT, NE—Perkins County High School diving coach Tony Spencer was fired Friday for what he called an "old-fashioned no-water practice," a drill that left three swimmers dead and several others in intensive care. "If you can dive into a pool with no water, imagine what you can do with a pool that has water," the 72-year-old Spencer said as he was led to a police car, adding that the "old-school" practice was meant to weed out those who want to be divers from those who aren't serious about the sport. "Those kids who are still breathing? They'll thank me in a couple years when they're wearing gold medals around their mostly healed necks." During his arraignment Saturday, dozens of Spencer's former divers, many of whom were confined to wheelchairs and unable to breathe without a ventilator, showed up to the courthouse to support their coach and thank him for molding them into the men they are today.

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