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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Old-Fashioned No-Water Practice Gets High School Diving Coach Fired

GRANT, NE—Perkins County High School diving coach Tony Spencer was fired Friday for what he called an "old-fashioned no-water practice," a drill that left three swimmers dead and several others in intensive care. "If you can dive into a pool with no water, imagine what you can do with a pool that has water," the 72-year-old Spencer said as he was led to a police car, adding that the "old-school" practice was meant to weed out those who want to be divers from those who aren't serious about the sport. "Those kids who are still breathing? They'll thank me in a couple years when they're wearing gold medals around their mostly healed necks." During his arraignment Saturday, dozens of Spencer's former divers, many of whom were confined to wheelchairs and unable to breathe without a ventilator, showed up to the courthouse to support their coach and thank him for molding them into the men they are today.

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