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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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'Old Milwaukee Book Of World Records' Confirms Title For Most Punches To Shoulder

MILWAUKEE—In a ceremony held Tuesday at Milwaukee City Hall, local resident Phillip Schneider, 27, was officially recognized by the Old Milwaukee Book Of World Records for being punched in the shoulder the most times in one hour. "We are proud to bestow this honor on Mr. Schneider after he withstood 29 strikes to the upper arm from his friend Mike, who is a pretty big guy," OMBWR committee chief Gerald Foster said of Schneider's feat, which beat the previous record by four punches. "Congratulations. Please accept this six-pack and a $15 gift certificate to Shopko." Schneider's achievement completes a busy week for the record compendium during which Laura Penipeno of Winnebago, WI was given the title of "World's Tallest Cashier" and Dave Pinski from New Berlin, WI was honored for having the world's coolest idea for a stunt.

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