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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Old Photographs Reveal Grandmother Never That Attractive

POCATELLO, ID—Family members gathered around a photo collage of matriarch Maria Esquivel, 85, were surprised to learn Tuesday that she was never really very beautiful. The faded black-and-white photos revealed that, in childhood, her plain brown eyes did not have a mischievous twinkle, and in adulthood, her stout body and broad features placed her roughly in the 45th percentile of feminine attractiveness. "Wow, she was so plain when she was younger," confirmed Esquivel's granddaughter Carrie, as she stared at the photograph, wide-eyed. "Guess grandma was never much to look at, huh?" Upon completing the trip down memory lane, family members ran their fingers across the precious photographs once more, quietly thanked God they got their grandfather's looks, and put the photos back on Esquivel's casket.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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