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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Old Red Sox Uniform Only Outfit Left In Mo Vaughn's Closet

NORWALK, CT—Former MLB slugger Mo Vaughn awoke Tuesday morning to the grim realization that the only clean outfit remaining in his closet was his old #42 Boston Red Sox jersey and matching baseball pants. "Well, I'm just going to look stupid if I don't wear stirrups with this," Vaughn said to himself after changing into the uniform, buckling his belt, and looking through his old shoeboxes to find his good metal cleats. "And I may as well wear my Red Sox hat while I'm at it. And some eye black, since it's pretty bright out. Good thing the laundromat is only 15 blocks away." Vaughn, who carried his load of dirty laundry down the street in his old Wilson bat bag, said he couldn't wait to have his full wardrobe cleaned so he could switch into one of his less-embarrassing, roomier Angels or Mets uniforms.

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