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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Old Refrigerator Unable To Control When It Releases Water Anymore

ODESSA, TX—In the midst of yet another embarrassing clean-up, local woman Melissa Crosby, 43, told reporters Thursday that her old refrigerator has completely lost the ability to control when it releases water. “At first, I’d notice a little bit of condensation trickling off the door every now and then, but lately there’s been a giant puddle seeping from its defroster tube just about every morning, the poor old thing,” said Crosby of her incontinent household appliance, while using a bath towel to soak up the growing pool of liquid emanating from the 25-year-old icebox. “I feel bad having to clean up after it and keep it dry, but I’m not sure if there’s anything else I can do at this point. This fridge is getting up there in years, and certain functions just break down after a while.” Crosby added that her aging refrigerator’s involuntary leakage has been made even more humiliating in light of a recent power outage that caused the appliance to discharge the contents of its freezer compartment all over itself.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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