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After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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Older Brother To Attempt Unmanned Bike Mission Into Ravine

VERONA, WI—Robbie Bovy, 13, announced his intentions Monday to launch his brother's Schwinn BMXpert into a ravine near the East View Heights subdivision. "For the first stage, your bike will be powered by me," the older Bovy said at a backyard press conference while seated on his brother's chest. "Then, just before I hit the ramp, I'm gonna jump off and watch it totally endo into the rocks. Got it? Got it?" Bovy's intra-ravine mission is part of an ongoing exploration program that began in 2002, with the deployment of seven of his brother's plastic army men down the toilet.

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