Olympic Athletes Hoping To Exchange Bent-Up Medals For Normal Ones

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Vol 46 Issue 08

Ski Jumper Has To Work On His Soaring

VANCOUVER—Following a disappointing 98.5-meter effort that onlookers described as a "longish hop" or "sort of a flutter," ski jumper Hans Pavelka announced Friday that he would redouble his commitment to soaring.

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Olympic Athletes Hoping To Exchange Bent-Up Medals For Normal Ones

VANCOUVER—A number of medal winners at the 2010 Winter Olympics admitted Tuesday that they looked forward to exchanging their inexplicably beat-up medals for regular ones that weren't completely dented for some reason. "When I was on the podium, I was like, what the hell is this?" said speed skater Shani Davis, adding that his gold and silver medals looked as though they had been "beat to shit." "Then I figured that they were just using these old medals for the ceremony so nobody would lose the nice, normal, non-fucked-up ones during all the excitement. I know a bunch of people who just recycled theirs afterward." Alpine skier Julia Mancuso told reporters that she knew an auto-body guy who could probably hammer her medals flat.

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