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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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Olympic Closing Ceremonies To Feature Launch Of Chinese Nuclear Arsenal, Invasion Of United States

BEIJING—Responding to controversy regarding lip-syncing singers and "simulated" fireworks during the Olympic opening ceremonies, Chinese Olympic officials announced Tuesday that the closing ceremonies would feature a full-scale nuclear ICBM launch followed almost immediately by 2 million amphibious troops marching into California.

"We have pledged to respond to our critics in a fashion that exemplifies the culture and direction of modern China," a statement from the newly created Chinese Strategic Olympic Committee and Global Strike Force read in part. "The world shall thrill to the spectacle of 1,000 character dancers, 10,000 traditional acrobats, 100,000 commandos storming out of the Pacific surf into Los Angeles and San Francisco, and dozens of cities burning at one million degrees." The statement also expressed regret that, due to the unique circumstances of this year's closing ceremonies, handing over the Olympic Games to the heavily targeted city of London would probably not be physically possible.

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