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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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One Dead, Hundreds Injured As Chicagoans Attempt To Run

CHICAGO—One man died and over 300 others were seriously injured in downtown Chicago Sunday when thousands of the city's residents made an ill-advised attempt to get up off of their couches and run at a sustained pace for a distance of nearly 26.2 miles more than they were accustomed. "The stress of the extreme heat, compounded by the sudden activity of long-dormant muscles and the unusual up-and-down pumping motion of many Chicagoans' arms and legs, forced most runners to collapse at the halfway point of the first minute," said Chicago Veteran's Affairs Hospital spokesman Keith Hermann, who is also treating 362 patients for severely chafed thighs. "Some of the runners clearly tried to increase their stamina by carbo-loading for the past 20 to 25 years, but that strategy seemed to backfire. Those most seriously affected have been rushed to special medical lounges, where they are expected to remain motionless for the next six to eight weeks, maybe more." City officials are calling this Chicago's worst tragedy since the Sears Tower elevators went out of service in March of 2003.

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