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Onion News Network on IFC Recap -- Feb. 11, 2011

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How Obamacare Can Be Improved

With Aetna just the latest health insurance provider to opt out of covering Obamacare markets, many are wondering what changes can make the Affordable Care Act more appealing to customers and insurance companies. Here are some proposed improvements

NASA Discovers Distant Planet Located Outside Funding Capabilities

WASHINGTON—Noting that the celestial body lies within the habitable zone of its parent star and could potentially harbor liquid water, NASA officials announced at a press conference Thursday they have discovered an Earth-like planet located outside their funding capabilities.

A Primer On Everyday Sexism

Though opportunities for women have increased considerably over the past century, insidious everyday sexism continues to inform the female experience. Here are some commonly asked questions about this pervasive form of discrimination

Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

‘If Anything Could Change Our Minds, It Would’ve Happened By Now,’ Say Candidate’s Supporters

WASHINGTON—Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.

Mom Learns About New Vegetable

MERRILVILLE, IN—Excitedly sharing the news with her husband and two teenage children, local mother Karen Tyson, 49, learned about a new vegetable Wednesday, sources confirmed.

Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts.

Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?

Although she’s secured the Democratic presidential nomination, many voters across all demographics are still hesitant to vote for Hillary Clinton. The Onion breaks down the reasons Clinton is having a hard time luring reluctant voters.

Cover Letter Specifically Tailored To Company Even Sadder Than Generic Ones

BEDMINSTER, NJ—Wincing noticeably as they read the applicant’s claim that he has “always wanted to work for the leading midsize pharmaceutical advertising and brand strategy group in the tri-state area,” sources at Percepta Healthcare Communications confirmed Tuesday that a cover letter specifically tailored to their company was much sadder than any of the generic ones they had received for a recently posted job opening.
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Onion News Network on IFC Recap -- Feb. 11, 2011

Every Friday on IFC at 10/9c, Onion News Network brings you News Without Mercy, hurling 80 facts per minute in a full-frontal news assault. Here are last week's top stories:

Nation Elects First Openly Drunk Senator (Watch online now)
Sen. Dave Tillis and his publicly-inebriated lifestyle won over voters in the last election by loudly rambling about issues they care about proclaiming, "Drunkss are Amerricans! And we... we love America! An' we wannit to be awesome! Yeah!"

Woman Crying On Train Platform (Watch online now)
Don Abrams reported live on a very uncomfortable situation in San Francisco, where a woman was sobbing right there in front of everyone.

Potential School Shooter Gunned Down By Popular Jock (Only On IFC TV)
Heroic Prom King Trevor Wilson killed outcast, black-clad student Will Tracy before he could become unhinged and orchestrate a school shooting.

Report Finds Troubling Rise In Teen Uranium Enrichment (Watch online now)
Jean Anne Whorton went "Beyond The Facts” to find out how many teens are illegally enriching uranium and selling it to rogue states.

FactZone Celebrates Five Years (Only On IFC TV)
The FactZone celebrated its 5th Anniversary with congratulatory messages from MSNBC's Rachel Maddow and Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee.

U.S. Constitution Expires (Only On IFC TV)
Americans begin rioting after a janitor at the National Archives discovered an expiration date on the U.S. Constitution.

Find IFC on your cable system and follow @ONN on Twitter during the broadcast for live updates and commentary from anchor @BrookeAlvarez.

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