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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Online Recap Of TV Show Attracts 25,000 Readers Who Have Given Up On Life

NEW YORK—The website TVFighter announced Friday that its weekly recap of the show Fringe had received a record-high 25,000 hits from readers who might as well be dead. "After each episode, I like to check the recap just to stay on top of everything, plus the message board is a great way to touch base with other fans," said 32-year old Mike Puleo, who, given his decision to read about a TV program immediately after watching it, has clearly lost his will to live. "I've made some pretty good friends that way. Sometimes me and another guy or two will be on there for hours, commenting back and forth about what's happening with the show. It's one of my favorite things on the Internet." While acknowledging the recaps occasionally contain "serious mistakes" and are not terribly well written, the man whose existence is devoid of any meaning or value of any kind said reading them was "still better than nothing."

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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