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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Only Jewish Kid In Class Asked To Talk About Holocaust Remembrance Day

KIRKLAND, WA—In honor of Holocaust Remembrance Day, 11-year-old Bobby Schwartz, the only Jewish student in Mrs. Yost's fifth grade class, was asked to explain how and why Hitler murdered six million Jews during World War II.

"I thought that it was important that the students hear what happened from someone directly related to the atrocity," said Yost of Schwartz, who simply rehashed the parts of Schindler's List his mother had allowed him to watch. "I could see that he was uncomfortable talking to the class, but I felt it was important for him to tell people about such a defining event in his past."

Yost said she saw similar discomfort last week when Shawanda Robinson, the only black student in the class, was called upon to explain why radio host Don Imus was fired.

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