adBlockCheck

Recent News

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

John Kerry Throws Vine Over Pit Of Quicksand To Save Child Companion

PANGSAU, MYANMAR—Thinking quickly to thwart disaster as he ventured deep into the Myanmar rainforest to meet with State Councilor Aung San Suu Kyi, Secretary of State John Kerry threw a vine over a pit of quicksand to save the life of his 12-year-old Moroccan companion, Drumstick, sources confirmed Monday.

Report: This Movie Old Enough That They Might Have Actually Hurt Dog

GARDNER, MA—Realizing the movie was probably made years before any sort of mandatory industry oversight, nervous viewers watching a Turner Classic Movies airing of ‘Home On The Range’ Sunday night told reporters that the classic western was old enough that the filmmakers might have actually hurt the dog that starred in the motion picture.
End Of Section
  • More News

Only Jewish Kid In Class Asked To Talk About Holocaust Remembrance Day

KIRKLAND, WA—In honor of Holocaust Remembrance Day, 11-year-old Bobby Schwartz, the only Jewish student in Mrs. Yost's fifth grade class, was asked to explain how and why Hitler murdered six million Jews during World War II.

"I thought that it was important that the students hear what happened from someone directly related to the atrocity," said Yost of Schwartz, who simply rehashed the parts of Schindler's List his mother had allowed him to watch. "I could see that he was uncomfortable talking to the class, but I felt it was important for him to tell people about such a defining event in his past."

Yost said she saw similar discomfort last week when Shawanda Robinson, the only black student in the class, was called upon to explain why radio host Don Imus was fired.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close