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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Only Remaining Rhyme Rapper Can Think Of Is 'Cliff Clavin'

ATLANTA—Rapper Young Jeezy, attempting to put the finishing touches on his latest single "U Know Da Club," has exhausted every rhyme possibility for his song's third verse with the exception of "Cliff Clavin," the fictional postal-worker character portrayed by actor John Ratzenberger on the long-running TV show Cheers. "I've already got 'dance-club maven,' 'hip-hop haven,' 'yes I been cravin',' 'ain't misbehavin',' 'pussy gonna cave in,' 'G's I been savin',' 'steel engravin',' and 'rantin' and ravin','" Young Jeezy said. "I guess I could use 'shock-wavin'' or 'clean shaven,' but they just don't make as much sense in context as 'just like Cliff Clavin.'" Jeezy is also struggling to complete a track called "Ideal Woman," since he cannot find a single rhyme for "Rhea Perlman."

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