Only Time Employee Has Ever Done Job Is When Training Replacement

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Vol 47 Issue 46

Prescription: Bedtime

CBS 9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST This week's episode of the hit medical drama once again lulls the nation's fiftysomething moms to fall asleep on the couch, while the "code blue" commotion at the end is just loud enough to rouse them, make them l...

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Only Time Employee Has Ever Done Job Is When Training Replacement

SPRINGFIELD, MO—While training his replacement on his final day of work Thursday, outgoing warehouse shipping worker Ben Worthen, 29, reportedly performed the actual designated functions of his job for the first time in his entire two years of employment with the company. "What you need to do first is check the contents of each package and make sure the size, color, and product identification number match the order sheet," said the man who had never before carried out any of the tasks he was explaining and whose knowledge of the procedures came solely from recollections of his own training back in 2009. "If there's a discrepancy between the invoice and the packing slip, and you don't tell a manager about it, you can get seriously bitched out. Trust me." Worthen, who sources confirmed once managed to knock over five shelving units in the company storage facility, also explained that under no conditions would his replacement be authorized to drive a forklift.

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