adBlockCheck

Opening Band Issues Two-More-Songs Warning

Top Headlines

Entertainment

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Opening Band Issues Two-More-Songs Warning

SAN FRANCISCO—In an announcement that met with sarcastic cheers, Nate Pilson, lead singer of opening act Dickbasket, issued a two-more-songs warning to a crowd waiting to see headline act The Colecovisions. "This next one's gonna be our next-to-last song," said Pilson, 25, prompting widespread stretching and watch-checking among the Bimbo's 365 Club crowd. "It's from our upcoming EP. Hope you like it." Pilson then energetically launched into the song, trying not to notice the throngs of concertgoers streaming toward the bar or resuming the conversations they were having before the warning.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close