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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Orioles: We Have Enough Talent To Win 5 More Games This Season

BALTIMORE—Despite well over a decade of futility before their hot start this season, the Baltimore Orioles, currently tied for first in the AL East, told reporters Thursday they trust in one another and believe they have enough talent this year to win five more games. "This is a special Orioles team," said manager Buck Showalter, confirming he believes fans can pencil in the Orioles to carry a .045 winning percentage the rest of the season. "With a few more fluke home runs from Adam [Jones], some bad umpiring calls going our way, and the kind of random chance we’ve come to depend on, I have no problem at all saying we can take five of our next 111 games." Team members however were quick to caution that their chances of winning five games could be jeopardized by unforeseen circumstances, such as injuries or the franchise getting demoted to AAA.

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