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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Orlando Cabrera Hates Metrodome's Tuna Casserole Smell

MINNEAPOLIS—Recently acquired Twins shortstop Orlando Cabrera admitted Sunday that he is disgusted by the overpowering stench of tuna casserole in the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome. "Every time I enter the stadium the awful smell makes me sick to my stomach," said Cabrera, adding that he was unable to determine the source of the foul odor but suspected years of tuna casserole might be ground into the seats, the FieldTurf, and the fabric of the Metrodome itself. "Why does it always stink like rancid mayonnaise and fish? Now the smell's in my uniform, too. I can't wait to leave for our road games." Twins owner Jim Pohlad, who claimed he could not smell anything abnormal, has reportedly denied Cabrera's requests to air out the Metrodome by perforating the roof.

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