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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Orlando Hudson Just Striking Out To Crack Up Teammates

PHOENIX—Arizona Diamondbacks second baseman Orlando Hudson has been intentionally striking out in an effort to make his teammates laugh, team sources told reporters. Hudson, who struck out in every plate appearance Tuesday against the Oakland A's, was overheard saying "Check this out" to teammates Justin Upton and Chris Young before intentionally taking a third strike during his first at-bat; swinging wildly high and wide at a pitch thrown low and inside; swinging several seconds after the ball had been caught by the catcher for a third strikeout; and during his fourth appearance at the plate, dropping his bat and starting to remove his batting gloves before the pitcher had even thrown the baseball. Upon walking back to the dugout, Hudson reportedly pretended to be disappointed with his performance by yelling, "Jeez, I just don't know what's wrong with me lately," causing his teammates further amusement. Following the game, Diamondbacks manager Bob Melvin told Hudson that he could see what Hudson was doing and that he had better cut it out.

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