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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Ornithologist Forced To Participate In History Channel's 'What If Humans Suddenly Became Birds?' Program

ITHACA, NY—Saying that when it came down to it he really didn’t have any other choice, respected ornithologist Ethan R. Lewis confirmed Monday that he had agreed to participate in the upcoming History Channel program What If Humans Suddenly Became Birds? “Let’s face it, there aren’t a ton of bird gigs out there, and this one actually pays pretty well, so eventually I called and told them, ‘Sure, I’ll be on your show,’” said Lewis, an assistant director at the Cornell Lab of Ornithology, who reportedly spent 25 minutes explaining to a History Channel producer that humans could not actually become birds. “What else am I going to do? It’s not like you get rich from studying birds. Anyway, all I have to do is say something about how, if they were birds, humans would have to chew on little bits of gravel in order to digest their food.” At press time, Lewis was looking into a camera and stating that in order for humans to fly, each of their arms would have to be the size of a Harley-Davidson.

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