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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Oscars Attendees Cower In Awe As Disembodied, All-Knowing Voice Proclaims Information About Nominees

LOS ANGELES—Frozen in dread and astonishment as its sonorous pronouncements filled the Dolby Theatre auditorium Sunday evening, attendees of the 86th Academy Awards reportedly cowered in stunned awe as a disembodied, all-knowing voice proclaimed a range of information on the ceremony’s nominees. “Cate Blanchett is nominated for Best Actress for her role in Blue Jasmine,” the all-mighty, all-seeing incorporeal voice declared before thousands of dumbfounded onlookers, having previously expounded on such matters as the names of the show’s presenters, the awards that will be handed out after commercial breaks in the telecast, and Christian Bale’s filmography. “She previously has been nominated for an Academy Award four times, including a win for Best Supporting Actress in 2004 for her role in The Aviator.” At press time, the resounding, omniscient voice of no known earthly origin was sending terrified shudders through the crowd by welcoming to the stage Grammy Award–winning recording artist and two-time Oscar nominee Bette Midler.

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