adBlockCheck

Politics

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Patriotic Teen Fails Spanish

Jean Anne Whorton goes Beyond The Facts, talking to the high school sophomore who has become a conservative hero for refusing to learn his Spanish vocabulary.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
End Of Section
  • More News

‘Our Thoughts Go Out To Oklahoma,’ Says Congressman Mentally Calculating When He Can Bring Up Benghazi Again

VISTA, CA—Following the devastating tornado in Oklahoma this week that killed dozens of residents and displaced many more, U.S. congressman Darrell Issa, a representative from California who is currently counting down the seconds until he can bring up Benghazi again, told reporters his thoughts are with the people of Oklahoma. “My sincerest thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected by this horrible tragedy,” Issa said while trying to determine in his head, to the nearest millisecond, the next possible moment he can get away with once again raising questions about the Obama administration’s handling of the attack in Benghazi. “I am deeply saddened by this tragedy and commend the brave men and women of Oklahoma City for their heroic response to the disaster. The people of California have you in our hearts.” At press time, Issa was wondering if maybe now would be the right time.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close