Outbreak Of Va-Va-Vooms Traced To Miniskirt-Wearing Blonde

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Vol 46 Issue 36

Classic Movie 'Avatar' Updated For Today's Audiences

LOS ANGELES—Paramount Pictures confirmed Monday the Dec. 23 release date for Avatar 2KX, a remake of the beloved 2009 sci-fi thriller Avatar that will bring the story into the modern era with faster-paced action sequences and cutting-e...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Outbreak Of Va-Va-Vooms Traced To Miniskirt-Wearing Blonde

WASHINGTON—Officials from the Department of Ha-Cha WOWwa have traced a nationwide outbreak of va-va-vooms to one miniskirt-wearing blonde, last seen Thursday night working those stems like nobody's business. "Since the first documented sightings in Indianapolis last week, we have observed a sharp increase in yowzas and hubba-hubbas emanating from the Midwest, with a wave of homina-homina-hominas now rippling toward both coasts," DHW Secretary Rod Akers told reporters, warning that pulled-collar rates were at dangerously high levels nationwide. "Until the blonde is safely out of sight or medical professionals can adequately treat the growing number of eyes bulging from sockets, I would like to reiterate: Ahhh-ooooooga!" As of press time, the blonde had reportedly told nearby fellas not to get their shorts all in a bundle, releasing a highly contagious strain of "Hello, nurse!"

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