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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Outfielders Take Knee, Infielders Move Up In New 'Jason Varitek Shift'

BOSTON—As the 2009 baseball season progresses, major-league managers are defending against Red Sox catcher Jason Varitek by employing what they call the "Varitek Shift," a defensive maneuver in which infielders move up past the pitcher's mound and outfielders take a knee and relax. "It's very effective," Minnesota Twins manager Ron Gardenhire told reporters. "If Jason makes contact with the ball, which is rare in itself, he usually hits slow dribblers that catch infielders by surprise because of how weak they're hit. So, by moving the infielders up, and having the pitcher rush home plate after the pitch has been thrown, [Varitek] has virtually no chance of reaching base. If runners are on when he comes up, we may have the outfielders cover first, second, and third to ensure a double or triple play." Gardenhire added that it doesn't matter if the switch-hitting Varitek bats right- or left-handed, as the shift is foolproof.

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