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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Overacting Manu Ginobili Takes Charge, Plays Dead

SAN ANTONIO—Manu Ginobili oversold his attempt to get Dallas Mavericks forward Dirk Nowitzki called for a charging foul in the third quarter of Game 5 Wednesday, according to teammates, opposing players, and frustrated emergency medical personnel who grudgingly carried off the Spurs shooting guard in a stretcher despite the fact that he was clearly still breathing. "We kept shaking his shoulder and telling him, 'Manu, wake up, we got the ball back,' but he just kept lying there for a good five minutes," said teammate Tony Parker, adding that Ginobili was unresponsive to loud shouts in his ear and showed no signs of movement except a slight smirk after Tim Duncan pried his right eyelid open. "I guess maybe he thought that if the ref saw that he was really still alive, he might reverse the call. It's too bad he had to miss the rest of the game when he was taken to the hospital." NBA analysts say are calling this incident the most extreme case of flopping since 1992, when Vlade Divac, who was hiding a razor in his wristband, surreptitiously sliced his supraorbital vein and bled to death after drawing minor contact with the Clippers' Danny Manning.

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