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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Overacting Manu Ginobili Takes Charge, Plays Dead

SAN ANTONIO—Manu Ginobili oversold his attempt to get Dallas Mavericks forward Dirk Nowitzki called for a charging foul in the third quarter of Game 5 Wednesday, according to teammates, opposing players, and frustrated emergency medical personnel who grudgingly carried off the Spurs shooting guard in a stretcher despite the fact that he was clearly still breathing. "We kept shaking his shoulder and telling him, 'Manu, wake up, we got the ball back,' but he just kept lying there for a good five minutes," said teammate Tony Parker, adding that Ginobili was unresponsive to loud shouts in his ear and showed no signs of movement except a slight smirk after Tim Duncan pried his right eyelid open. "I guess maybe he thought that if the ref saw that he was really still alive, he might reverse the call. It's too bad he had to miss the rest of the game when he was taken to the hospital." NBA analysts say are calling this incident the most extreme case of flopping since 1992, when Vlade Divac, who was hiding a razor in his wristband, surreptitiously sliced his supraorbital vein and bled to death after drawing minor contact with the Clippers' Danny Manning.

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