adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Overconfident Big Brown Parties All Night Before Belmont Stakes

BELMONT, NY—After a night of drinking heavily in New York City clubs, Big Brown's arrogant guarantee that he would win the Belmont Stakes to become an historic Triple Crown winner went unfulfilled July 7 as the badly hungover colt slowly trotted around the track, occasionally pausing to dry-heave before finishing in last place. "Normally, Big Brown and I will each have a glass of bourbon together to unwind the night before a race," said Richard E. Dutrow, Jr., Brown's confidant and trainer. "But he was out of control, picking up the entire bottle with his muzzle and chugging it all in one long pull. And when he left the stables to go out clubbing, he was just buying round after round of drinks." Dutrow, who said that at one point during the evening Big Brown climbed up on the bar and started dancing, was relieved that the thoroughbred was smart enough not to get behind the wheel in his impaired condition.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close