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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Overconfident Big Brown Parties All Night Before Belmont Stakes

BELMONT, NY—After a night of drinking heavily in New York City clubs, Big Brown's arrogant guarantee that he would win the Belmont Stakes to become an historic Triple Crown winner went unfulfilled July 7 as the badly hungover colt slowly trotted around the track, occasionally pausing to dry-heave before finishing in last place. "Normally, Big Brown and I will each have a glass of bourbon together to unwind the night before a race," said Richard E. Dutrow, Jr., Brown's confidant and trainer. "But he was out of control, picking up the entire bottle with his muzzle and chugging it all in one long pull. And when he left the stables to go out clubbing, he was just buying round after round of drinks." Dutrow, who said that at one point during the evening Big Brown climbed up on the bar and started dancing, was relieved that the thoroughbred was smart enough not to get behind the wheel in his impaired condition.

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