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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Oversensitive Quarterback Reads Too Much Into Defense

OMAHA, NE—Nebraska State coaches said quarterback Joshua Adams was reading far too much into the positioning and schemes of the opposing defense Saturday, obsessing over what the secondary's coverage might imply about him as a player and a person and taking the play of the safeties in particular as a personal affront. "So are they showing signs of a blitz because they think I can't get rid of the ball fast enough, or because they think I can't handle pressure and scramble away from commitment at the first signs of trouble?" Adams was overheard asking his coaches. "Look, I know the tendencies of this defense, and the corners wouldn't be playing so far off if they thought I had any backbone. They obviously don't believe I have the inner strength to go deep. And you know what? Maybe they're right." According to the coaching staff, Adams is still overthinking their decision to bench him.

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