Oversensitive Quarterback Reads Too Much Into Defense

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Vol 45 Issue 45

College Freshman Makes Triumphant Return To High School

COCONUT CREEK, FL—"I'm back, Bayshore High," 18-year-old Henry Doyle announced as he pulled his mother's Toyota Camry slowly into the parking lot normally reserved for faculty, emerging with a knowing grin. "Bet you never thought you'd see the likes of me again!"

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FINDLAY,OH—The entire office staff of Altman & Hanson Accounting remained utterly baffled as to what, if anything, should be done in response to the prominent sobbing coming from the cubicle of 36-year-old clerk Jack Underwood, sources reported today.
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Oversensitive Quarterback Reads Too Much Into Defense

OMAHA, NE—Nebraska State coaches said quarterback Joshua Adams was reading far too much into the positioning and schemes of the opposing defense Saturday, obsessing over what the secondary's coverage might imply about him as a player and a person and taking the play of the safeties in particular as a personal affront. "So are they showing signs of a blitz because they think I can't get rid of the ball fast enough, or because they think I can't handle pressure and scramble away from commitment at the first signs of trouble?" Adams was overheard asking his coaches. "Look, I know the tendencies of this defense, and the corners wouldn't be playing so far off if they thought I had any backbone. They obviously don't believe I have the inner strength to go deep. And you know what? Maybe they're right." According to the coaching staff, Adams is still overthinking their decision to bench him.

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