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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Overtired 398-Month-Old Throws Tantrum

LANSING, MI—Appearing tired, agitated, and "a lot fussier than usual," whining 398-month-old Jeff Burnsworth reportedly threw a big tantrum Saturday evening. "The poor guy must be tuckered out," said roommate Andy Northcutt, explaining that the normally well-behaved Burnsworth had skipped his afternoon nap and then gotten "a little wound up" when his friends came over. "He's already had his dinner, so I know it's not that. I think he's probably just ready to be put down for the night." Northcutt added that he planned to sit Briggs on the sofa and put The Departed on, as that always works.

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