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Overuse Of Enzyme-Based Cleaners May Be Causing Highly Resistant Superstains

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Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users

How To File A Patent

In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
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Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

Overuse Of Enzyme-Based Cleaners May Be Causing Highly Resistant Superstains

CHICAGO—The American Association of Laundry Workers released a startling new report Thursday warning against the use of enzyme-based cleansers, alleging that, if abused, the products could create detergent-resistant "superstains."

"These cleaners might emulsify grease and red-wine stains better than most surfactant-based detergents, but they are only wiping out the weaker stains, while leaving the most leanser-resistant varieties of smudges to spread unchecked," read the report, which warned that many so-called "good" stains beneficial to shirts and pants were also being destroyed. "More and more fabrics are developing mutated, dangerously stubborn superstains impervious to even the most dynamic scrubbing action."

The AALW's report concluded by predicting that, unless drastic changes are made to reverse the flood of enzymes into local water supplies, irreparable damage could be done to the nation's whiter whites.

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