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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.
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Owner Of Independent Comic Book Store In Ohio Not Quite Sure How He's Still In Business

DOVER, OH—Citing his town's sparse population and an increasingly niche comic-book market, Edge Comics owner Chris Moore admitted Thursday that he is not really sure how his store has remained in business for the past seven years. "With my storefront rent at $3,600 per month and inventory running another $1,500 on top of that, I really should have been out on the street years ago," said Moore, adding that even on a good day he sees no more than 20 customers, tops. "I mean, I'm not exactly selling luxury cars here. My main customer base is 12-year-old kids who stop by once a week to spend their allowance on a $3.99 comic book. Or two comic books, if I'm lucky." At press time, the store's lone customer flipped through a collected edition of Punisher MAX before putting it back on the rack and quietly walking out the door.

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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

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