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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Owner Of Independent Comic Book Store In Ohio Not Quite Sure How He's Still In Business

DOVER, OH—Citing his town's sparse population and an increasingly niche comic-book market, Edge Comics owner Chris Moore admitted Thursday that he is not really sure how his store has remained in business for the past seven years. "With my storefront rent at $3,600 per month and inventory running another $1,500 on top of that, I really should have been out on the street years ago," said Moore, adding that even on a good day he sees no more than 20 customers, tops. "I mean, I'm not exactly selling luxury cars here. My main customer base is 12-year-old kids who stop by once a week to spend their allowance on a $3.99 comic book. Or two comic books, if I'm lucky." At press time, the store's lone customer flipped through a collected edition of Punisher MAX before putting it back on the rack and quietly walking out the door.

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