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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Owner Tearfully Releases American Pharoah After Triple Crown Win

‘You’ve Earned Your Freedom,’ Emotional Horse Owner Says

ELMONT, NY—Overcome with emotion as he described how much he’d miss his “old friend,” the owner of Triple Crown–winner American Pharoah bid a tearful farewell to the colt Monday before granting the horse its freedom, sources confirmed. “You’ve done more than I could have asked, and now you’re free to roam and run wherever you please,” said the horse’s owner, Ahmed Zayat, who, following American Pharoah’s victory in the Belmont Stakes, is said to have transported the 3-year-old colt deep into the country near a forest clearing, removed its saddle, and given the animal one last kiss on the forehead before setting it free. “Nobody believed you could win all three, but you did it—you did it, American Pharoah!—and you earned your freedom. Wherever you go now and whatever you choose to do, just know that I’ll never forget you. Ever.” At press time, American Pharoah was reportedly spotted taking one poignant last look back at its former owner before galloping off among the trees.


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