adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Pack Of Baseball Cards Comes With Doubles Of Jose Fucking Contreras

SAN FRANCISCO—In what was described as a "total fucking rip-off," collector Kirk Poole purchased a pack of Topps baseball cards containing not one, but two cards featuring former White Sox pitcher Jose Fucking Contreras. "Fucking Contreras again? You've got to be kidding me," a visibly frustrated and crestfallen Poole said. "I couldn't get one Tim Cocksucking Lincecum, or even a Motherfucking [Bengie] Molina? Oh, I know, I'll just sell the extra one on eBay for $10,000. Yeah, that or Topps can suck my fucking dick." Poole later admitted that it was pretty cool to get Ken Griffey, Jr. in a Mariners uniform again.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close