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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

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As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Packers Fan Blog Just Might Be Area Man’s Ticket Out Of Here

SHEBOYGAN, WI—Lifelong Packers fan and 33-year-old Sheboygan bartender Peter Cooke told reporters Sunday that his nine-month-old Packers fan blog—which just received its 1,000th visitor last week—might be his ticket to a better life.

“I try to offer a fan’s perspective on the team, and I know from talking to all the guys down at The Shanty that that’s all most people want, anyway,” said Cooke, noting that his buddy Zeke who designs websites helped him buy his packfanman.us domain for only $3.99 and “did a bunch of junk” to make it easier for Cooke to publish to his Wordpress site. “Hopefully it becomes a big destination for Packers fans and I can start raking in cash from ad revenue.”

“There’s tons of Packers fans all over the country,” added Cooke. “I’m trying to get my stuff out there by e-mailing other blogs to get something linked. I know it’s only a matter of time. You hear millions of stories about regular guys like me catching a break and making it big.”

While Cooke said he was “still getting the hang of linking and some things,” the 33-year-old told reporters that he is constantly thinking of ideas for new material and tries to write posts almost every day.

Cooke confirmed that he recently applied for press credentials for the 2013 season and that he feels good about his chances since he wrote the application “like a fan, and not some dusty old reporter,” something he believes the Packers media relations department will find new and refreshing.

At press time, Cooke announced plans to get on Twitter soon, claiming that the move should put him on the fast track to quitting his bartending job and working as a full-time blogger.

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