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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Packers Offensive Line Proves It Can Stop The Run

GREEN BAY, WI—The Green Bay Packers offensive line, which has been criticized this season for its combination of youth and lack of experience playing as a unit, is confident it made great strides despite Sunday night's home loss to the Cowboys, who held the Packer running backs to a mere 84 yards.

"As soon a hole opened up, one of us slid over to plug it. We were airtight," said center Jason Spitz, proudly noting that Ryan Grant and Brandon Jackson "didn't see daylight all night." "That's the kind of thing that really makes a difference in this game." Guard Daryn Colledge denied that the Packers' offensive line had become an elite unit, saying they had to work on stopping the passing game by getting their hands up to bat down passes and meet their preseason goal of sacking Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers at least five times per game.

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