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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Pacman Jones: 'Who Do I Have To Kill To Get Reinstated Into The NFL?'

DALLAS—Noting that it has been over a year since his supposed one-year suspension from the NFL for his involvement in off-the-field criminal incidents, cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones wondered aloud Monday as to whom he had to kill to begin playing football again. "Man, what does [NFL commissioner Robert] Goodell want me to do, straight up gank someone? Choke someone out? Knife a guy? Put a bullet through some dude's earhole? Because I'm willing to do whatever it takes," Jones said to reporters present to watch him move into his new Dallas home. "Just say a name and the man is dead before you put the phone down, I want to play so bad." Goodell said he would be glad to meet with Jones before camp begins in order to discuss his future and stressed that Jones should please not kill him.

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