Padres Broadcaster Insists Audience Is Watching A Good Game

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Vol 44 Issue 23

Clinton Suspends Campaign

While keeping her delegates, Hillary Clinton has suspended her campaign to be the Democratic nominee, leaving Barack Obama the party's presumptive...

Terrible Idea Committed To Paper

SECAUCUS, NJ—Sales supervisor Justin Henry stopped in the middle of a busy sidewalk Monday, obstructing the paths of 15 pedestrians as he...

Ed McMahon May Lose House

After falling behind in payments, former Tonight Show sidekick Ed McMahon is in danger of losing his $6.25 million home. What do you think?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Holiday

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Padres Broadcaster Insists Audience Is Watching A Good Game

SAN DIEGO—Padres broadcaster Jerry Coleman took a few moments in the seventh inning of a 3-1 game Monday night to extol the virtues of the slow, defensively played contest. "Folks, if you're just tuning in, we've got a heck of a game going here," the "Voice of the Padres" told his rapidly dwindling audience. "Greg Maddux has been a ground-ball machine tonight—the defense has barely had to move. The Pads have been taking pitches, working the counts, and hitting timely, clean line-drive singles. And while there's been no extra-base hits as of yet, the Pads have really taken advantage of the sacrifice bunt. What a game! Why, it reminds me of some of those other great Padres games." What games Coleman was reminded of were lost, however, when the Padres radio network cut away to a blowout 11-2 Red Sox game in which Kevin Youkilis had homered three times.
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