How does Vladimir Putin run Russia’s hostile, authoritative regime? The Onion explains Putin’s Russia.
SAN DIEGO—Padres broadcaster Jerry Coleman took a few moments in the seventh inning of a 3-1 game Monday night to extol the virtues of the slow, defensively played contest. "Folks, if you're just tuning in, we've got a heck of a game going here," the "Voice of the Padres" told his rapidly dwindling audience. "Greg Maddux has been a ground-ball machine tonight—the defense has barely had to move. The Pads have been taking pitches, working the counts, and hitting timely, clean line-drive singles. And while there's been no extra-base hits as of yet, the Pads have really taken advantage of the sacrifice bunt. What a game! Why, it reminds me of some of those other great Padres games." What games Coleman was reminded of were lost, however, when the Padres radio network cut away to a blowout 11-2 Red Sox game in which Kevin Youkilis had homered three times.