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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Padres Grounds Crew Dims Stadium's Lights For Romantic Night Game

SAN DIEGO—In an effort to reignite the fading passion between the Padres and Dodgers, the Petco Park grounds crew set the mood for a romantic night game Tuesday by dimming the stadium's lights, arranging rose petals along the baselines, and softly playing Al Green's I'm Still In Love With You over the speakers. "Everything is just so lovely," said Padres center fielder Tony Gwynn, Jr., admiring the glow of 4,000 slow-burning candles atop the outfield wall as he sipped from a champagne flute and took practice swings in the on-deck circle. "It's nice to turn off the JumboTron for once and spend some quality time together. The red silk draped over the dugout really adds to the ambience and the bowl of potpourri totally eliminates the stale crotch smell in there." Umpires later ejected Casey Blake when the Dodgers third baseman charged the mound and attempted to stuff a chocolate-dipped strawberry into pitcher Jon Garland's mouth.

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