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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Paintball Team Visits Vietnam Memorial

WASHINGTON, DC—The five members of the Blitz Cougars paintball team of Ashburn, GA, paid their respects to their fallen compatriots at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial on Monday. "None of us served in Vietnam, but we too have witnessed firsthand the unspeakable horrors of combat," said Derek "Boone" Bechet, 23, the Cougars' team leader. "Last August, I lost one of my men when a round of Draxxus Inferno sapphire blue caught him right in the temple. Chris was only 19 when he got taken out of the game for good." Fighting back tears, Bechet bowed his head in silent prayer for his splattered comrade.

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