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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Paleontologists: 'We've Been Looking At Dinosaurs Upside Down'

SALT LAKE CITY—In a paradigm-shattering revelation that has shocked the scientific community, paleontologists from the Utah Geological Survey offered definitive proof Wednesday that, for the past 175 years, everyone has been looking at dinosaur fossils upside down. "How they moved, what their appendages were for, we were wrong about everything," said Dr. Brian Kirch, explaining that new evidence indicates the animals slid along on what was once believed to be their backs. "Basically they scooted around by grabbing nearby vines with their mouths and pulling their bodies. Almost like a snake. What we used to think were legs were actually big flippers that flapped about in the air, driving them forward. Incredible." Kirch told reporters that when you think about it, paleontology makes a lot more sense now.

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