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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Palestinian Family Trapped Under Rubble Thrilled To Hear 'Gaza' Trending On Twitter

BEIT LAHIA, GAZA STRIP—As her husband and three children remained trapped beneath burning debris from an Israeli airstrike, Gaza resident Adliya al-Haddad, 34, told reporters Thursday that she and her family were beside themselves with excitement after hearing that “Gaza” was a trending topic on the social networking site Twitter. “Did you guys hear that? Everyone’s talking about us on Twitter!” al-Haddad shouted joyfully while she attempted to free her bloodied, unconscious son from beneath a fallen beam pinning him to the ground. “Check out how many people are tweeting about us! We’re seriously blowing up.” At press time, al-Haddad’s critically injured, barely breathing daughter was hoping the Gaza hashtag would receive “some Twitter love” from a person with a large number of followers “like Katy Perry or Bruno Mars.”

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