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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Pallbearers Move Bill Walsh's Coffin Down Church Aisle In Series Of Short, Precise Passes

SAN FRANCISCO—Funeral services for legendary football coach Bill Walsh began Wednesday as friends and family of the offensive innovator bore his coffin down the aisle of the San Francisco Unitarian church in a series of short but precise passes, finally placing Walsh's earthly remains on the bier with a moving display of West Coast-style pallbearing that took a respectful nine minutes to cover over 85 steps. "This was exactly the way Coach would have wanted it," said Joe Montana, who overcame his evident grief to lead multiple platoons of well-coordinated mourners including Mike Holmgren, George Seifert, Tony Dungy, Jerry Rice, and Walsh's wife and children in a series of scripted passes that took advantage of the timing and teamwork Walsh drilled into his loved ones during his life. "Bill Walsh believed that good football should be elegant, almost beautiful, and involve everyone's strengths, and though it might sound corny, we wanted his memorial service to be the same way." Several prominent football figures in attendance said it was the most impressive memorial display since the 1970 funeral of Vince Lombardi, who was finally laid to rest in a grinding series of brutal pulling-guard sweeps that utterly overpowered the opposing Chicago Bears.

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