adBlockCheck

Politics

What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

What To Expect From James Comey’s Book

Former FBI director James Comey is writing a book due out next spring about leadership, decision-making, and his time at the FBI. Here’s what to look for when the book is released.
End Of Section
  • More News

Panic Floods Mike Pence’s System Before Realizing Hand On Knee His Own

WASHINGTON—His heart racing in terror as he struggled to breathe, Vice President Mike Pence was reportedly flooded with panic Thursday before he realized the hand resting on his knee during a conference at the White House was his own. “Oh, thank God,” thought a visibly relieved Pence, wiping away the droplets of sweat that had rapidly accumulated on his forehead. “That was close. Just to be safe, I should always keep a healthy gap between myself and the person seated next to me from now on. But, honestly, it’s unacceptable for even my own hand to rest on my knee—it’s the first wicked step on the path to a life of whoremongering.” At press time, Pence had instructed aides to bind his wrists behind his back at the beginning of every meeting.

More from this section

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close