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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Panicked ER Doctor Calls 911

CHARLOTTE, NC—In the midst of performing an emergency appendectomy Thursday, panicked ER doctor Caleb Morrison dropped his surgical instruments mid-operation and dialed 911. "You've got to get over here! There's a guy lying on a table with a hole in his stomach," a frantic Morrison can be heard saying in a recording of the emergency phone call, shortly before giving his location as operating room 3 at St. Andrew's Hospital. "Please hurry! He's losing a lot of type O positive blood and his vital signs are increasingly unstable." When the 911 operator's attempts to guide the doctor through the necessary triage procedures proved unsuccessful, the deceased patient was taken to the morgue, where the forensic pathologist on duty fainted at the sight of a dead body.

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