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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Panicked Man Looking For Son Stressing Everybody Out

FORT WAYNE, IN—The commotion caused by a panicked man's frantic search for his missing son Saturday reportedly stressed out dozens of local residents trying to relax and enjoy their afternoon in Lions Park. "He's making me feel really tense," said Stacey Moore, 24, who was distracted from her People magazine when the man scoured the bushes near her blanket. "This guy is literally yelling his kid's name over and over again. I really hope he finds him soon. I'm getting so wound-up that my shoulders are starting to feel tight." According to several eyewitnesses, the sight of the man collapsing to his knees and weeping was very nerve-racking for a local resident trying to concentrate on catching a Frisbee.

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