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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Panicked Man Looking For Son Stressing Everybody Out

FORT WAYNE, IN—The commotion caused by a panicked man's frantic search for his missing son Saturday reportedly stressed out dozens of local residents trying to relax and enjoy their afternoon in Lions Park. "He's making me feel really tense," said Stacey Moore, 24, who was distracted from her People magazine when the man scoured the bushes near her blanket. "This guy is literally yelling his kid's name over and over again. I really hope he finds him soon. I'm getting so wound-up that my shoulders are starting to feel tight." According to several eyewitnesses, the sight of the man collapsing to his knees and weeping was very nerve-racking for a local resident trying to concentrate on catching a Frisbee.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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