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Panicking Marshawn Lynch Unable To Deactivate Beast Mode

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How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:
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Panicking Marshawn Lynch Unable To Deactivate Beast Mode

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Caroming wildly around the locker room following the Super Bowl on Sunday, a panicked Marshawn Lynch reportedly informed teammates that he couldn’t figure out how to deactivate Beast Mode. “Help me, help me!” said the Seattle Seahawks running back as he stiff-armed head coach Pete Carroll and hurtled recklessly out of a stadium exit and into the parking lot. “Please, anyone, call the police! I don’t know what’s happening! This is beyond my control!” At press time, witnesses confirmed Lynch was sprinting at full speed eastward on I-95, with authorities confident that he would lose steam once he hit the Atlantic Ocean.

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