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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Pantomimed Lasso Motion Fails To Pull Woman Across Dance Floor

SCOTTSDALE, AZ–Russ Bakke, 37, unsuccessfully attempted to pull an unnamed female across a nightclub dance floor Saturday with a pantomimed lasso motion. "After making eye contact with the young lady and giving her a seductive smile, I attempted to rope her in with my invisible lasso of love," Bakke said. "But for some reason, when I threw the lasso toward her and mimicked a pulling motion, she was not drawn my way." Subsequent attempts to capture the woman with a pantomimed fishing rod and butterfly net also met with failure.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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