adBlockCheck

Entertainment

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:
End Of Section
  • More News

Paramount Hoping Overseas Market Will Be Dumb Enough To Embrace Latest Piece Of Shit

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Weeks after the irredeemably insipid film underperformed domestically, executives at Paramount Pictures said Friday they were cautiously optimistic that audiences overseas would be stupid enough to buy tickets to their latest big-budget piece of shit. “Those dumbasses over there will go see this crap, right?” said Steve Siskind, the studio’s executive vice president for worldwide marketing, who predicted “the dipshits in Asia or somewhere” could be counted on to boost box-office receipts for the fucking unbearable $200 million production. “Transformers 3 was huge in China, so why wouldn’t those morons go apeshit over this movie, too? It has tons of CGI, not to mention a car flying through a helicopter and landing on the roof of a building. Plus, there’s no real story to follow, so language barriers shouldn’t be a problem.” Siskind added that to be on the safe side, Paramount was recutting the film with an additional 45 seconds of nudity to “bring a few more dopes into the theaters” in Eastern Europe.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close