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Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:
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Paramount Hoping Overseas Market Will Be Dumb Enough To Embrace Latest Piece Of Shit

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Weeks after the irredeemably insipid film underperformed domestically, executives at Paramount Pictures said Friday they were cautiously optimistic that audiences overseas would be stupid enough to buy tickets to their latest big-budget piece of shit. “Those dumbasses over there will go see this crap, right?” said Steve Siskind, the studio’s executive vice president for worldwide marketing, who predicted “the dipshits in Asia or somewhere” could be counted on to boost box-office receipts for the fucking unbearable $200 million production. “Transformers 3 was huge in China, so why wouldn’t those morons go apeshit over this movie, too? It has tons of CGI, not to mention a car flying through a helicopter and landing on the roof of a building. Plus, there’s no real story to follow, so language barriers shouldn’t be a problem.” Siskind added that to be on the safe side, Paramount was recutting the film with an additional 45 seconds of nudity to “bring a few more dopes into the theaters” in Eastern Europe.

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