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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Paranoid Kicker Thinks Team Purposely Scored Touchdown So He Couldn't Mess Up Field Goal

HOUSTON—Texans team sources said placekicker Kris Brown exhibited signs of paranoia Monday when the 31-year-old repeatedly insisted that his team had scored a last-second go-ahead touchdown against the Dolphins to avoid letting him screw up a field goal attempt. "There wasn't much time left in the game, we were trailing, it was only three yards out, and I had already warmed up by kicking the ball into my net many times," said Brown, adding that he has always felt that the Texans do not trust, respect, or like him. "That's a classic game-winning field goal situation, so I told Coach I was ready to go. But he just shook his head, put his clipboard in front of his face, mumbled something into his headset, and had Matt Schaub run it in for the win. That's just callous." Head coach Gary Kubiak was unable to console Brown despite pointing out that the team had been losing by five points and that field goals, although very good things, only count for three.

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