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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Paranoid Oscar Pistorius Still Thinks Burglar After Him

PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICA—Insisting that the dangerous individual could be literally anywhere right now, a paranoid, wild-eyed Oscar Pistorius was reportedly overheard muttering to his defense lawyers numerous times during his murder trial Thursday that the burglar who invaded his home on the night of his girlfriend’s death is still out there and determined to come after him. “The burglar is always watching and waiting, and he won’t stop until he gets me,” a visibly tense Pistorius reportedly whispered from behind the defendant’s table, his eyes darting all around as he scanned the courtroom for the unnamed intruder who has not been seen since allegedly breaking into Pistorius’ home the night the paraplegic track and field star shot and killed Reeva Steenkamp. “I’m telling you, he could be here right now, and all he wants to do is steal from me. I’ll never be safe, never. Not unless…not unless I get to him first.” At press time, Pistorius was frantically reaching for the bailiff’s pistol after having spotted dozens of burglars sitting in the courtroom gallery.

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