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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Paranormal Expert Bores Son With Ghost Story

FORT COLLINS, CO—During a father-and-son camping trip Sunday, paranormal investigator Fletcher Jensen subjected 14-year-old Jeremy Jensen to yet another account of unexplained apparitions and manifestations. "Although we could not observe verifiable poltergeist activity, the family's accounts of the incidents were quite indicative of a classic manifestation experience, and I did register what could be called unusual electronic disturbances," said Jensen, as he held a flashlight up to his face. "We were not fortunate enough to collect any actual ectoplasm, but some of the static on the videotape seems to include promising quasi-visagal images and, in my opinion, bears further interpretation." Jeremy later said that, as boring as his father's ghost stories are, they are preferable to his heart-to-heart talks about girls with his mother, a professional sex therapist.

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